So you’re single and looking? Here are some foundational matters you need to get right first.
Many singles have the desire to get married one day. Getting married and starting a family are life goals for many Christians, and these are good and worthy goals. This all begins when you embark on your search for the elusive “Right One”.
While many couples do ultimately get together after a season of dating, and build a life together, many singles are still searching and have been in and out of various disappointing relationships. Some have even rushed into marriage only to find their dreams shattered when the union heads south. This is a tragic reality, even for some Christians.
I’m often asked for advice by singles who are embarking on their journey to find their “soul mate”, and I would like to humbly share some of the things I tell them.
1. Keep walking with God
The best decision for a single person is to make the decision to keep on walking with God. Do this for the rest of your life, whether you are single or married.
Many times, one can be tempted to be so preoccupied with looking for a partner that they put God out of the whole picture, whether they are aware of it or not. This is when you can begin to make wrong decisions based on your emotions and what your flesh tells you.
You can even be tempted to make decisions out of desperation, maybe because you are getting on in age or because you fear “losing out”.
But remember, God is a good and faithful God!
Delight yourself also in the Lord. And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Continue to cultivate your relationship and love for the Lord. God wants to bless you—He does not want to shortchange you.
2. Know yourself
Do you really know yourself? What kind of a person are you? Are you aware of your strengths and weaknesses? Have you ever sat down with a mentor or someone you respect who can speak honestly to you, and asked them how you can be a better person? Do you carry any emotional baggage from the past or from past relationship? Are you even ready to be in a serious, committed relationship?
I believe it is wise to take stock of your life and to know how you are doing emotionally. I believe it is wise and bold to have difficult but necessary dialogues with a more experienced friend to help you improve and prepare yourself should you desire to date someone.
Ask yourself this question: If God were to give me someone right now, would I be a blessing or baggage to them?
Be humble. Don’t be arrogant. Taking stock of your life helps your be prepared mentally and emotionally for what lies ahead.
3. Be a friend
Do you know what a friend is? Do you have any friends? Why do you like about your best friend?
A friend loves at all times, And a brother is born for adversity. (emphasis mine)
A friend loves you, is there for you, buys you presents, serves you, sacrifices for you, accepts you, hang out with you, has fun with you and does just about anything for you.
Happy married couples are usually great friends.
Have you been a real friend to someone? If you have not, start being a friend to someone. We are made for community and relationships.
Chances are that you might find your partner among the community of friends that you already have!
Unfortunately, many singles make the excuse that they have no time to socialize due to their busy careers.
If you want friendship and eventually a relationship, then start sowing friendship. This takes effort and time, but the harvest will be fulfilling when you are to find that special friend.
Life is much easier to journey through with a friend. It is never too late to start sowing friendship.
4. Don’t rush into a relationship
Be patient! If you rush into a relationship, you will be tempted to rush out when the other person seems to stop meeting your needs.
Embrace your singleness. There is nothing wrong with being single. Don’t give in to the pressure to get married just because it appears “all” your friends are doing so.
Your singleness is a season in which the Lord will teach you valuable things about yourself and other people, as you wait upon Him to direct your paths.
In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths. (emphasis mine)
The Lord has the best for us in every season of our lives, even if this season of singleness seems long. Know this, whatever your plans are for yourself, God wants something better for you.
Do not compromise on your Christian values as you seek your prospective partner.
And enjoy every moment of this season in your life.
Jeremy Choy is an Associate Pastor with City Harvest Church. He heads the church’s ministry for singles, City Connexions. They are organizing a workshop for singles on May 21 and 28, followed by a hi-tea session on Jun 5. If you are interested, do email to firstname.lastname@example.org by May 8.
To find out more or to participate in City Connexions’ events, go to http://www.chc.org.sg/#!city-connexions/.