In his Valentine’s Day message, senior pastor of CHC, Kong Hee, taught the church the importance of fulfilling the needs of one’s spouse.
“Marriage experts and professionals tell us that men and women have very different needs,” said Kong Hee, senior pastor of City Harvest Church. “If the needs of the husband and wife are not met, it will damage the marriage.”
He was preaching on Feb 11 and 12, the weekend before Valentine’s Day and the message focused on the different needs of men and women.
Kong quoted 1 Corinthians 7:3, which says, “A man should fulfill his duty as a husband, and a woman should fulfill her duty as a wife, and each should satisfy the other’s needs” and encouraged the married couples in the congregation to meet the needs of their spouse. With that, he shared five different needs of men and women.
The first thing a man needs is sexual fulfillment, said Kong. He read from 1 Corinthians 7:5 where Paul told the Corinthians that “Abstaining from sex is permissible for a period of time if you both agree to it, and if it’s for the purposes of prayer and fasting—but only for such times. Then come back together again. Satan has an ingenious way of tempting us when we least expect it.”
He explained that Satan is given an opportunity to tempt the husbands if their sexual needs are not met and encouraged the wives to not give Satan that chance.
On the other hand, the number one need of a woman is affection. In the New King James version, 1 Corinthians 7:3 read as “Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband.” He explained that affection is doing little gestures for no reasons at all, holding hands in public and sitting near her in social gatherings.
The second need a husband has is recreational companionship. “The foundation of a happy marriage is friendship,” Kong noted. “The goal of a marriage is to become the best friend of your spouse.”
To build that friendship, a couple has to do fun things together. A man, especially, needs recreation and fun to keep going in life. That is how his energy is replenished and how he gets motivated to deal with challenges.
“And he wants you to join him in it!” Kong told the wives.
The second need of a woman is conversation. “For a wife, conversation goes hand-in-hand with affection. As long as affection and conversation continue on a daily basis, she feels connected to her husband,” Kong explained.
He shared the story of Careen Tham, a worship leader in the church. Her husband, Eric Wong, loves to jog, and despite the fact she was not the sporty sort, she decided to join her husband on his runs. As they ran, he began telling her about his visions and dreams.
Calling Tham a smart wife, Kong pointed out,”In this way, she gets her conversation and he gets his companionship. They are meeting each other’s needs.”
The third thing a man needs is an attractive spouse. While a woman is motivated by what she hears, a man is motivated by what he sees, Kong said. He thus encouraged wives to look good for their husbands.
The third thing women need is honesty and openness. The senior pastor encouraged husbands to be open with their wives and to share everything with them. Wives appreciate husbands sharing their innermost thoughts and feelings, whether visions and dreams or problems and frustrations.
The fourth thing a husband needs is domestic support. “Men need their home to be a place of refuge, a place is that peaceful and free from stress and worry,” explained Kong.
A husband hates to come home to screaming and shouting, or a huge mess. Kong encouraged wives to ensure that their home is a good place for their husband to come home to.
“The world constantly makes the man feel that he is not good enough,” said Kong. “The last thing he wants is to come home to a place where his wife makes him feel that he is not good enough.”
The fourth thing a woman needs is financial support. “A wife should never be under pressure to have to supply,” said Kong. “It should be her choice whether to work or not.”
God did not design women to be breadwinners, Kong continued. He encouraged the men to give their wives the financial resources to do what they are asking their wives to do.
The fifth and final thing a man needs is respect and admiration. Kong points out: “The Bible seldom says a woman should love her husband. However, it says again and again that she must submit to and respect her husband. Because the man interprets respect as love.”
To respect means to speak highly of, to hold in high regard and to praise. The average man does not get praises from the world. The respect and praise from his wife motivates him and helps him believe in himself.
“What often hurts a husband in the Church is when a wife respects the man of God more than her husband,” Kong said. “But ladies, you’re not married to your pastor!”
Kong encouraged wives to be their husband’s most enthusiastic fan.
For wives, the fifth thing they need is family commitment and for their husband to be a good father.
Kong ended his sermon by encouraging married couples to stay committed to each other.